Summary: This fic was born directly out of this discussion: Wesley and co. seem to remember everything that happened in s3/s4 save for Connor himself. What kind of narrative would Cyvus Vail have implanted in their heads to explain everything that happened to them without Connor? This story attempts to answer that.
This story just keeps growing, hah.
Warnings: Swearing, some violence, some medical ick.
(unwieldy title aside)
This is for the latest bittersamgirlclub top 5 prompt.
5. Sam and Jody in 9.08. It’s an easy back-and-forth of equals who are totally comfortable with each other—they’ve seen each other through some pretty vulnerable moments: Jody when her son returned as a zombie, and Sam when he was still reeling from hallucinations and Bobby’s death and trying to find his missing brother. The warm hugs, the banter, the trust, Sam listening to Jody talking about finding faith in a topsy-turvy world and completely understanding, Jody going jokingly, “don’t help me or anything!” when she sees herself out and Sam remembering her injury in 9.19. There are moments where we are reminded painfully that she is still very much an outsider—her being unaware of angels until 4 seasons after her introduction, and her unwavering belief in the myth of SamnDean, at which even Sam looks uncomfortable. I loved how she reached out to Alex in 9.19, though, and my fondest hope is that Sam will have someone reach out to him in the same way, one day.
4. Sam and Mrs. Tran in 9.14. When they’re breaking out and she’s asking about Kevin, and Sam’s struggling to tell her, but she understands. She’s not quite in denial, not quite in grief, not quite in agony. There’s one terrible moment where it all sinks in, and Sam stands aside wordlessly, there but not quite, allowing her some semblance of privacy. Then when they break out, it’s Sam that taunts the demon intern, and hands Linda the knife for the final blow. There is a lot of powerful emotion there that’s not talked about; as always, Sam lets his silences and his actions do the talking.
3. There were a lot of excellent Sam and Castiel moments in s9, but apart from the “guinea pig” moment and the hug from 9.11, I think my favourite has to be from 9.22, when Castiel asks Sam about Gadreel. This is the first time anybody’s asked Sam about the possession, and while Sam is reluctant at first, he opens up when Castiel wants to know for strategic reasons. Admittedly, Castiel is less than perfect in his interaction with the Winchesters: he has learnt a lot of his lessons about humanity from them after all, and those are hard to unlearn. He isn’t great with his words—he has learnt the big, empty speeches and false absolutions from Dean, but he has learnt the power of quiet action from Sam. He may have reassured Dean that his trickery and gaslighting were done in the name of ~love, but also, crucially, he saved Sam from fratricide. He chooses to stay with Sam in 9.11. He is so eager to show off his newfound humanity to Sam, with his guises and his warm hugs, and Sam is at once bemused and so pleased. And when words would not have gotten Sam to open up about the time he was possessed, Castiel brings it up as part of a strategy, a constructive plan. This is a language they both understand.
2. There’s this quiet, lovely little moment in 9.15 when Sam talks to Harry immediately after Harry discovers Ed’s deceit: he talks about forgiveness, and for Harry to decide for himself what and when to forgive. And although this so clearly mirrors his situation with Dean, he doesn’t go in there to project his resentment or his anger; he only shares understanding, and a little piece of advice. This moment is one of the reasons why I will never agree that what Sam said in 9.12/9.13 and his refusal to paper over everything that Dean had done to him was because of some petty anger, to “hurt Dean as he thought Dean had hurt him”. He has thought about this a lot, and finally established a line beyond which certain actions were simply unforgivable. This was not petty anger, or a reaction to hurt; this is Sam scrambling to salvage what is left of his Self. There are parts of us that should never be breached, ~*codependency*~ or no.
1. Sam and Julia in 9.17. How gentle he was with her—how considerate! The way he gets her a mug of tea before the interview and gives her his full attention. And then at the end, when he realises that the story he told her was directly responsible for a series of events that led to the incredible tragedies his family has been through, he doesn’t judge Julia for not telling Henry that he was taking a demon home. He merely asks, then offers her some solace by thanking for helping him save so many lives that day.
Y’know, I must’ve listened to Kadhal Anukkal from Enthiran at least a hundred times over the years, and each time I missed the genius of these lines:
“Oh baby, oh baby
And I first thought the next couple of lines went
“Oh baby, oh baby
Megathil Mutha kuzhaavey”
which is not correct, but, I maintain that it’s still ~poetry.
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me haaaappyyyy when skies are gray…*twirls you* Haha, I seem to have missed a lot of the wank! And a good thing, too. ;)
he is hammy as hell, isn’t he? lolSO hammy. Actual!Dean is scary and fucked-up enough that over-the-top demon!Dean is a relief. And so hilarious.